<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>healing by amybri2002</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26408932">healing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002'>amybri2002</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>soulmate september [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Human AU, Implied Past Abuse, Implied Past Depression, M/M, Soulmate AU, janus and patton bond over trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 12:02:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,075</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26408932</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/amybri2002/pseuds/amybri2002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After meeting his overly cheerful soulmate, Janus begins to experience his memories, and learns that there is a lot more to his soulmate that he lets on.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Deceit | Janus Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>soulmate september [11]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905379</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>120</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>healing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hey! so today’s prompt was just a free for all, so i’m using the soulmate au where you experience your soulmate’s memories through dreams after meeting them ^^</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hi, I’m Patton,” a man said, cheerfully, holding out his hand to shake. Janus looked him up and down, trying to convince himself to smile, then shook his hand. “I look forward to working with you!”</p>
<p>Janus felt a spark shoot up his arm, taking root in his head, and all of a sudden everything seemed to click into place. He’d heard about this experience before, of course, and knew exactly what that would entail, but... really? Right now? With... this guy?</p>
<p>Patton snatched his hand back, then looked at Janus, a hint of excitement in his eyes. “You’re-“</p>
<p>“Yes.” Janus sighed. “Soulmates. That’s nice. Uh, I’m Janus.”</p>
<p>“It’s lovely to meet you!” Patton giggled. “Can’t wait to see your baby videos tonight.” </p>
<p>Janus frowned for a moment, not really understanding, before he realised what he meant. The dreams. Of course. Once you met your soulmate, you were supposed to experience their memories through dreams. Janus could hardly imagine what that would entail for Patton, and almost felt bad for him - he hadn’t exactly had the happiest of lives, and there was no telling whether these memories would be good or bad. It didn’t seem like there’d be much of a problem for Janus, since Patton was such a cheery guy, didn’t seem like he’d faced any hardships at all.</p>
<p>“Well, let’s just get to work for now,” Janus said. “We can figure this soulmate thing out later, yeah?”</p>
<p>“Sounds good!”</p>
<p>~*~</p>
<p>The first few nights weren’t so bad. Most of the dreams consisted of Patton hanging out with friends at school, or in parks, the only notable thing was one particularly shocking scene of Patton kissing a boy for the first time. Janus still couldn’t help but feel like he was... violating something, violating Patton’s trust. If Patton wanted him to know if these experiences, he could tell him himself, right?</p>
<p>It wasn’t as if they were particularly close yet. They were working together, sharing a desk at the office, but hadn’t spoken all that much outside of pleasantries and work-related issues. Patton hadn’t mentioned anything about his own dreams, so Janus could only assume that he’d only received happy memories so far, but there was really no telling, Janus couldn’t think of many happy memories himself.</p>
<p>It was a couple weeks into knowing Patton that Janus received his first bad dream. Sitting alone in a cold bedroom, hugging his knees, tears streaming down his face, voices all blocked out. There was no context to what had happened, no way to tell why Patton was feeling this way, but Janus still woke up crying, and it took all of his strength not to straight up hug Patton the next day, to comfort him over an event that probably happened almost a decade ago.</p>
<p>And they only got worse after that. A lot took place in the same bedroom, all alone, but eventually sounds began to break through, shouting and screams, breaking glass, loud footsteps, shallow breath.</p>
<p>And then sometimes just numbness. No feeling, no tears, no smiles. Just... an overwhelming cold, an empty mind, staring at the ceiling, unable to get out of bed. Those dreams were arguably worse - Janus was used to shouting, to noise, but not used to feeling numb, and... it only made him feel even worse for Patton. Wondered how he did it.</p>
<p>Eventually, just over a month into knowing Patton, Janus confronted him. “How are you so happy all the time?” he asked to a smiling Patton, who immediately lost his grin. A moment later, though, he plastered a smile back on.</p>
<p>“I’m just a happy person!” he proclaimed. “What’s the point in feeling sad, y’know? The world is filled with wonders, and I’m having so much fun with my life-“</p>
<p>“Filling our paperwork?”</p>
<p>“...okay, maybe the job isn’t fantastic, but I enjoy hanging out with you!”</p>
<p>“Patton, I’ve seen your memories.”</p>
<p>Once again, his smile faded.</p>
<p>“Obviously I only know what I’ve seen, but...” He breathed in. “Are you okay, really? Because I cannot imagine going through a lot of that and then coming out as... happy as you have.”</p>
<p>There was a long silence, before Patton moved closer to Janus, lowering his voice to a whisper. Perhaps because he couldn’t bring himself to speak any louder. “My parent’s weren’t great people, I know. I hated it at home, and... really wasn’t doing well back then. But I’ve moved out since, and... life is a lot better now. I’d rather be happy and spread joy than be sad all the time and just make the world worse.” </p>
<p>Janus listened to this, and... tried to understand. All the bad things that had happened in his life had only made him bitter, he’d never even considered that he could try to happy, try to forget about the past.</p>
<p>“What about the numb feeling?” Janus asked, after. “You-“</p>
<p>“I still get it sometimes,” Patton admitted, “but’s it’s something I’m working through. I’m seeing a therapist, and trying my best to think about the good things in life, rather than let myself slip back into that. I-“ He sighed. “I know it all looks bad, but I promise I’m okay. I- Are you okay?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine.” That was what people said when they weren’t fine but didn’t want to talk about it, and Janus knew that Patton would know that.</p>
<p>“I’ve seen your memories too, Janus.”</p>
<p>Janus looked away. “Seriously, I’m fine. That’s all over, right?”</p>
<p>“If you need to talk to someone-“</p>
<p>“I don’t. I can work through all that on my own.” He glanced back up. “Y’know, Patton, I really do admire you.”</p>
<p>Patton blinked. “Yeah?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. You’re a good person. I respect that.”</p>
<p>“...thank you?” He laughed. “I mean, I am your soulmate. I’d probably be worried if you didn’t like me.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” Janus cleared his throat. “Well, thank you for telling me this information. I... I’m sorry if the dreams you’re getting hurt as well, I...”</p>
<p>“Don’t apologise,” Patton said, “it’s not your fault.”</p>
<p>“Sure, whatever.”</p>
<p>“We should meet up sometime out of work,” Patton proposed.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Janus agreed. “Perhaps then we could... speak more about the dreams, if either one of us is struggling.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, exactly. And I just... like you.”</p>
<p>Janus couldn’t help but smile.</p>
<p>After that, the dreams became more tame. A bad one occasionally crept through, but far less frequently, and if he needed to talk it out Patton was right there besides him, always.</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>